What do you do when everything keeps falling apart? How do you keep yourself going forward when the ground will give out from under you no matter where you stand? I got kicked out of church college, have no clue what career I want, tried to join the military only to have them tell me they don't want someone with depression. That leaves me with no idea how to make it in this incressingly hard world. My family tells to be an adult but doesn't help me figure out how to do that, they just want me to figure things out but I have never imagined a future for myself. Most people can picture where they want to be down the road or even see themselves working at their dream job. I can't. I have never been able to picture my future or had any idea where I am going to end up. Jokingly I said to my friend once " I think God hadn't finished making my path in life before I was born on Earth." It kind of makes me feel a little better to think that it's not fully my fault for having no clue what to purse in life but really that is a sad and stupid thing to do. It is my fault that I don't have a plan or really a future. I should have spent more time while younger to figure this out instead of trying to figure out why my family is broken or trying to make myself happy by watching pointless and stupid vidoes. It's my fault that everyone in my family thinks that I am not cable of handling the world or being an adult. I am the reason that I feel like I'm choking in this depressing house filled with no love or connection. If I had tried harder to be an adult while I was younger then I would be in college and working towards a career; I would have friends and being dating instead of running away from people and hoping the pain would end soon enough because I have become a waste of space. How do you fix yourself when everytime you pick up the broken pieces you cut yourself deeper?