Zigging and zagging down the dark path, racing for the warmth of light
“You aren’t moving fast enough, you aren’t doing things right!”
Xyrophillan thoughts beg me to listen to them and feel the pleasure that comes with pain
“Why must you be such a failure? You can’t do even the simplest thing right!”
Vines tangle themselves around me, dragging me into the arms of a demon
“Ugly, fat, child what makes you think you are worth anything?”
Tearing a hole in my heart so it can fester and tant my body
“Save the excuses, everyone is tired of hearing about your so called ‘problems.R
I barely eat and I am always anxious about something
My sleep is short and I distract my mind with stupid things to stay calm
The smile on my face is fake half the time for I don’t know how to stay happy
Eyes always facing forward, towards the future but hardly ever in the moment
Bright light is just at the surface, shining so sweetly but the surface is so far way
Something is blocking my way out of this watery hell I have dropped myself in
“Just be happy about what you have; you are better off than others”
You don’t understand how hard it is to break free
“Life is meant to be hard”
Of course it is, but ma
How does one show emotions when one does not feel them?
What is one meant to do when one has thrown away emotions in order to survive?
The world has changed; emotions are good again but how long will that last?
Grow them back, feel all at once then have to throw them away again
Over and over this painful ripping and regrowing process happens taking important parts away each time
75, 50, 25, down to last 5% of soul, what will happen when it is down to 0?
Death is knocking at the door already; everyday it gets more impatient
The angel of life is packing up, done with the roller-coaster it has been put on for some stupid child that doesn’
Only few days in and the stress is intense
You say you wish to help me grow
That you know I can't go forward without your help
But then you demand things from me I don't have
Things you know I don't have
So when I am done I owe you more then what I could ever give
Stress and hate and anxiety take over my life
The need to run away and cry or hurt consumes me
You are told that there are only two sides in life, Light and Dark
The Light is where we should be, the Dark is for evil and hopeless people
But that is not all true, evil is in the Light and hope is in the Dark
These people are living in the Gray, it is not a place most go to
It is a temporary place, a stepping stone from one side to the other
But what if it became more than that, how messed up would the world be?
If this Gray stopped the battle of Light and Dark, would there be Utopia?
Could we have less hate if the Gray became more than a stepping stone?
I lie to you to keep you
My life is fine, there is nothing wrong
But you only stay when I am in pain
What else am I to do?
To get you to want to be with me
Once we were almost
But you awoke from the sleep I put you under
You realized how wrong it would be
To be with me
Now you are in love with another
Even after it ended you still wanted them
I am just as amazing
You tell me I am
Or were you pitting me again?
I am just a child
What would I know of love?
But this feeling I have is so very close
It eats at me daily
Will you come and save me?
Or will you let me down
And show me that I really am pathetic?
Feelings have no use for me. Why try to feel love when I end up feeling anger? Why try to be happy when sadness won't leave? Here is no point to do any of this. If I had no feelings then I could live my life without ever getting hurt. Happiness would not come to me anyway so it will not be missed by me. I can not love myself so no on will love me, anger causes pain, sadness leaves you lonely. So what is the point just end it now....
That's it! End it now, stop all the pain in just a quick shot or slice! Everything will be alright if I could just end it....end me. Everything and everyone will be better.
Emptiness grows each day
Happiness lessens each minute
Wakening to feel alone
Sleeping to feel loved
Wondering when the end is
Knowing the beginning hasn't started
Looking in the mirror at an ugly girl
Wishing to be pretty
Faking smiles
Hiding frowns
To weak to cut
To strong for help
Wanting friends
Afraid of others
Hoping for love
Hating all I see
Holding all feelings inside
Breaking apart
Waiting For The Day Of Saving by ldsdog, literature
Literature
Waiting For The Day Of Saving
My heart beats fast
But each day it slows
Pain grows more common
It's hard to smile knowing what is happening inside
My mask cracks little by little
But never breaks, for then people would know the truth
No one will ever be the wiser to the pain
Keep faking until the day the hero comes
Hope fading under the sorrow
Lies of Friendship come from within the darkness
Heart beat slows until the darkness takes over
Nothing left but a dead body with a cracked smiling mask
No one would ever know the truth for the mask was too perfect
Why is it that I can not find lasting happiness?
I do good and am kind
Yet people do not seem to like this
Should I become mean than?
Should I treat people like dirt so that I can get lots of friends?
How could it be that mean people can have more friends than I can?
I guess I am to be forever alone